He’s a funny guy

My husband.  Don’t try to figure him out.  On my birthday, I got a diamond necklace.  On Valentine’s Day…nothing, nada, not a card or flower in sight.  This weekend…he’s planned a romantic get away at a honeymoon chalet for the two of us! 

He doesn’t like to be forced or pressured into being romantic just because that day says you have to (well, that’s his reasoning! He likes be spontaneous and I so don’t). So, after 16 1/2 years of being married to him, I don’t get upset or hurt if he doesn’t acknowledge holidays like Valentine’s, he’ll just make up his own. 

The Tamoxifen Drama

I feel like this decision about whether to take this drug or not has dragged on forever and become such a drama…which I hate. It should be a simple decision but I guess there are so many things that bother me about it, yet I don’t want to not take it and risk the consequences….a return of the breast cancer.  However I met with an Oncologist yesterday and think I may have found some resolution.  It is not the Medical Oncologist my family doctor referred me to but it did work out okay.

I guess I am going to have to tell you what happened last week.  I had told you that my family doctor had referred me to this new Oncologist that I was really pleased about.  Last week I called the Cancer Clinic to cancel my appointment with Dr. Younis that had been booked since last fall.  I was going to be seeing this new Dr. plus there was no need to see him since I hadn’t started taking the drug yet. Well….I was given a hard time about cancelling the appointment and finally after several phone calls back and forth with the scheduling clerk and Dr. Y’s nurse, she told me I had to see him and that he had cancelled my referral!! What!!!  She told me that he said there was no need for me to see someone else, the diagnosis was not going to change.  I informed her that I did not need a second opinion on what I had but wanted to discuss treatment options which I was not able to do with Dr. Y and this was exactly the reason why.  It wasn’t my intention to get into the details of my problems with Dr. Y  with her but it eventually had to come to that.  She finally understood my situation and agreed to forward my concerns along.

So I was finally called with an appointment to see a Dr. Eva Grunthall.  Randy and I met with her yesterday.  She is not a Medical Oncologist in that she treats patients, she is an Oncologist that  follows and keeps up to date on all the current studies, drugs, treatments, etc. which she then presents to the other Drs.   Her nurse told me she is the current expert on all the studies related to Tamoxifen and that she was great to talk to.  She was right. 

She said medicine was all about science and facts so it was hard for her to comment on the naturopath options since there was no conclusive evidence like there was with the drug but that removing my ovaries was not “natural” because they perform so many other functions.  By removing them I open myself up to other medical problems.

My main concern was the side effect of uterin cancer.   I took the birth control pill for 7 years and was told the side effect of breast cancer was very rare yet here I am in my thirties with breast cancer and no other markers for having it. I felt maybe I was trading one cancer for another if I took the drug. She told me that yes, I could very well be one of those people who could developed uterin cancer BUT she said it would be much better to have a new cancer like that then the return of breast cancer.  I remember thinking at the time…is she nuts.  But her point was that uterin cancer is highly curable and they would be regularly checking me for that while if the breast cancer came back it would be fatal.  The trade off is a curable cancer for a non curable one!

She said that, like me, she hates taking drugs, but in my situation, with the type of cancer I had, she would not hesitate to take the Tamoxifen.  She is also going to recommend that I have yearly uterin ultrasounds.

She really did help make the decision clearer.  She didn’t pretend that everything would be okay if I took it or dismiss my concerns but showed me that perhaps it was the lesser of two evils. So while I am not 100% confident in the drug I am going to take it. I am praying that I made the right decision and last night I finally felt a peace about it, so maybe I did.

On the way into the appopintment Randy and I were listening to a sermon on cd.  The pastor was talking about the passage in Hebrews about Jesus asleep on the boat when the storm came.  He said that when the panicked men woke Jesus up the first thing He said was where is your faith?  Jesus was perfectly able to calm the storm but sometimes the storm needs to rage so he is able to the calm the person instead, that we look to Him with faith to get through the storm. We need to realize that instead of crying out why are you letting me go through this that we should be thanking Him for the strength to get to the other side.  We also need to pail out the water and paddle, not sit there in dispair.

As I was listening, I realized that when the big storms came, the diagnosis, the surgery, chemo and radiation, I had no problem turning to Him.  He was my strength, my peace and calm.  But I need to learn that when the little showers or gales come that I have to trust Him then too. That whether I am at a weak point or strong, I have to lean on Him and ask for his strength and guidance.  I guess there has always been a little part of me that is stubborn, wants to deal with things on my own and feels weak if I don’t.  That sounds so arrogant.  And it is. He’s teaching me so much and humbling myself before Him and realizing He is “in control” of the big and little storms of life is just one of many lessons.

Random Thoughts….

I have titled this blog random thoughts because I got nothing….no great blog ideas, no funny little stories, nothing really interesting to tell….well I did organize my recipe binders today.  I had one gigantic binder with everything in it and several recipe binders from the Teal House. I had to sort through everything when I wanted the perfect recipe, so I combined everything and sorted them into separate binders: cookies and squares, pies and cakes, meals, appetizers and soups. Yup, that was exciting but it is one more thing I can check off my project list.

I also sent out some cards.  Did you ever have someone on your mind or know someone who is going through something and think, “I should send them a little note or card” and then never do it.  I am the poster child for that scenario.  I have really good intentions but….oh, I could think of a hundred excuses but NO MORE. I know what it felt like to get a card when you really needed it and I want to pass that along to someone else.  So I sat down and wrote out notes and cards to several someones and mailed them off.

So….we had 1200 mink delivered on Saturday. In case you can’t picture it, that’s alot of mink.  So the kids and I helped fill the food canisters and get the cages ready.  Then when they arrived I helped unload some of them. Phew, they stink. So the new barn is full…2100 mink!

Sara told me when she is five and a boy she can go on the bus to school. No matter how much I try to tell her she will always be a girl, she insists she has to be a boy to go to school. Good luck with that one honey!

I stumbled upon a blogsite today about a couple, who except for food and household expenses, is not going to spend any money for a year. No new clothes, purses, gifts, etc.   So far this year they have saved close to $4,000 (they don’t have any kids and both work).  Wow!

Well, that’s enough rambling for tonight.

Homemakers ABC Survey

I love these survey things, they always make me stop and think. 

Aprons – Y/N? Yes, I have a bunch.  I mostly use them when I bake but sometimes when I am making something really messy for supper I’ll use one. I have a little one for Sara and she calls it her napkin.

Baking – Favorite thing to bake? I love to make pies.  Any and all kinds. I have hundreds of pie recipes.

Clothesline – Y/N? No, I don’t have one (that is why you see sheets or quilts hanging on my verandah when you drive by).  I would LOVE to have one but because the driveway goes around the house we can’t.

Donuts – Ever made them? When I was first married and trying to impress my new husband…he wasn’t impressed…they were yucky.

 Everyday – One homemaking thing you do everyday? Make the bed as soon as I step out of it.

Freezer – Do you have a separate deep freezer? Yes, two.  One for people food and one for dead mink.

Garbage Disposal – Y/N?Other than our dog no, but I would love to have one. My friend, Annette in Pennsylvania, has one and I love to use it.

 Handbook – Y/N? I guess I am spiritual like Charmin because the first thing I thought of was my bible (teehee).

Ironing?- I think it is a waste to iron things and then hang them in a closet, so we keep the ironing board set up in the spare room and iron as we need things (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!).

Junk Drawer – Where is it? I have one in the kitchen but somehow they tend to multiply and occassionally I have to cut them back.

Kitchen – Design and decorating? shaker style cherry cabinets and yellow mustard walls. Homey and country.

Love – What is your favorite part of homemaking? I love tearing a room apart, giving it a good clean and then rearranging the furniture back in differently. I hardly ever put it back the way it was.

Mop – Y/N? Like Kim says, I only mop when you start sticking to the floor. Just kidding! There is nothing like a freshly scrubbed floor. Too bad it wouldn’t stay that way longer.

Nylons – I wear them but I don’t enjoy it!

Oven – Do you use the window or open it to check? I open the door so I can get a really good look.

Pizza – What do you put on yours? We love pizza in our house but everyone has their own little pizza because we all like something different. Me personally….I LOVE pepperoni but because of dietary changes that is now a no-no, so hamburger or chicken, pineapple, green olives, spinach, feta and mozza. Yum!

Quiet – What do you do during the day when you get a quiet moment? Check my email and blog, read, scrapbook or nap. That all sounds so wonderful!

Recipe card box – Y/N? No, I have several binders with plastic sleeves to slide recipes into.

Style of house – 100 year old Victorian 2 story with turret.

Tablecloths and napkins – Y/N? Usually placemats and paper napkins for everyday and cloth for special occassions.

Under the kitchen sink - Mini green bin and some cleaning supplies.

Vacuum – How many times a week? Usually everyday or every other day….3 kids, 2 cats, 1 dog!!

 How much laundry do you do in a week? More than I should…why do the boys think that if it has been on their bodies more than five minutes it should go in the laundry basket? Probably 5-7 loads.

X’s – Do you keep a list of things to do and cross them off?  I can’t live without lists, I love them. From grocery lists,  things to do, projects, calls to make, thank you notes to do, pages to scrap, it goes on and on.

Yard – Who does what? Since we have a ride on we fight over who mows the grass. I usually look after the gardens and flowers.

ZZZ’s – What is your last homemaking task for the day?A quick tidy, check the kitchen and pull the blankets back over the kids.

That was fun.  Okay Cheryl…tag your it.

Our Mountains

Last Sunday night I got up and spoke during the testimony time at church.  I didn’t plan on doing that and definitely didn’t have anything prepared to say but our pastor commented how we had so much to be thankful for. I am so blessed how could I just sit there? Before I knew what I was doing I had jumped up out of my seat.  As soon as I stood I realized what I had done!  I am not a spontanious person, I like to plan everything out and be prepared. Hence the black out remembering my favorite quote….”don’t tell God how big your mountain is, tell that mountain how big your God is”!  (thank you Esther for helping out, I knew you would know it).  I hope through my fumbling people got the basic idea that I was trying to get across…there is nothing in our life that is too big for God.  For that matter, there is nothing to small for Him either.  He cares about every thing in our lives. 

God doesn’t have a “crisis meter” in heaven, judging whose problems are more serious or important. There have been times when people have stopped themselves from complaining in front of me.  They figure nothing they have to worry about can compare to me having to deal with cancer.  My mountain just happened to be cancer but  whatever you are dealing with is your own personal mountain.  It can become overwhelming and cripple and destroy you if you let it.  God wants us to come to Him, lean on Him, put our faith and hope in Him.  He will never let us down.

When I was diagnosised with cancer it was too big for me to deal with…but not God. He strenghtened me, comforted me and carried me when I couldn’t do it on my own.  I guess it took this journey for me to realize this is what He wants…for Him to be everything to us.

Make my day…

 In response to Shannon and Charmin’s blogs and it being February 14th….here are 14 things that “spark my day”.

1. Waking up to a clean kitchen…no dirty dishes in the sink, clean counter,etc. This just gives me a thrill.  It is well worth staying up late to make sure the kitchen is cleaned up after a get together.

2.Creating something…whether it’s a scrapbook page or a card.

3.Salty stuff…popcorn, chips, pretzels (chocolate covered pretzels are even better).

4.Getting a great deal on something.

5.I am going to steal this one too….kids getting along.

6.A phone call from my hubby just to say hi.

7.A revelation from God either thru prayer or reading my bible.

8.A long, soak in the bathtub.

9.A good hair day…ha, ha!

10.Organizing something…a closet, a drawer, you get the idea.

11.A successful homework night with the boys.

12.Marking something off of my project “to do” list.

13.Spending time with friends and family.

14.A clean bill of health.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

My last blog today!

I was at the dentist with the boys this week.  The dental assistant, who I haven’t seen since all this cancer stuff started, told me she loved my new short haircut and where did I get it cut!  I thought this was hilarious. I guess I am moving into a new phase of this journey.

An Update on Viper, the snake….

Last June Andrew earned the priveledge of having a snake.  After months of having a difficult time obtaining “pinkies” or food for the snake we purchased a female hamster to “marry and raise a family” with our male hamster. In November, several weeks after the wedding, the snake went MIA, yup missing, yup somewhere in the house.  Randy and I tore the boy’s room apart looking for it but so far he hasn’t turned up.  We have been told he can “hole up” and hibernate for months on end. Yikes! So shortly after the snake goes missing the happy couple (of hamsters) produce a large family (11!).  In hopes that the snake will show up soon we took the babies and put them in the freezer (I am cringing as I am typing that).  We then did that we the second and third batch as well.  With the snake still MIA I let the boys raise her fourth batch to adulthood.  They had great fun watching the babies grow and finally a few weeks ago we took them to the pet store to find new homes.  The day we dropped the babies off we put the Daddy hamster back in with his love.  He is quite a smart hamster and unfortunately for him he is able to open the locked caged door and that night he made his escape and went exploring. The next morning we found him down stairs on the mat.  Apparently, our two cats play a little too rough.  While I felt sorry for the poor guy, I thought phew, that will be the end of the baby hamsters. Not! Momma had a litter this week of 10….I guess it was his parting gift to us!

Anyone want a hamster?

The Hippycups

I loved when Sara would come up to me and say, “Mommy, do you have the hippycups?”.  Her way of saying hiccups.  Or when she would ask for a “ola bar” aka granola bar or a “dork” instead of a fork.  Recently the boys taught her how to say hiccups correctly and quite frankly I was a little upset with them.  I don’t want her to grow up!  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to have a twelve year old with a speech impediment but with every new lesson learned she is growing up bit by bit.  I am losing my little baby and it doesn’t seem like I have had her that way for nearly long enough.  But growing up is inevitable so I am going to be grateful and thankful for the times I did have and learn to love and enjoy all these new phases in her development.  It’s just that hippycups was so darn cute!

My old site

I am not able to load all my old postings from my other blog site onto this one…something to do with google.  So I have set up a link on the blogroll at your right.  All you have to do is click on “My old blog site” and it will take you there.

I am working on putting up photos.  Andrew took a recent one of me with hair so I can show all my “away” friends and family how much it has grown. Stay tuned…. 

New Doc!

This is so amazing!  I got a call from my family doctor about my new oncologist with some great news but before I tell you I have to fill you in on the background so you’ll understand how great this is for us.

When we first started this cancer thing I had so many people, patients and family members of patients and hospital personel, tell me about this wonderful doctor at the cancer clinic. Randy even came home from work and told me this story about the wife of one of his sales reps.  She had breast cancer and at 4years, 10 months it can back in her brain.  Her oncologist cried with her and her husband when he had to tell them this news.  The husband/sales rep told Randy if we had the chance, to get this doctor because he was fantastic.  It happened to be the same doctor I had been told about by so many people.  Initially we had looked in to switching doctors but then chemo started and we didn’t want to “rock the boat” or cause any problems so we stuck with who we were assigned to.

So…are you ready for this….guess who my doctor got me referred to….yup, that’s right….Dr. Racin (I’m not sure of the spelling but it sounds like raisen).  We don’t have our appointment yet since the referral was just made but we should hear something within the next 10 days. 

Sometimes things happen for a reason, sometimes our prayers are not answered the way we want them to be and we don’t understand why, but I believe the Lord has a reason for everything. Maybe if we had this doctor from the beginning I wouldn’t have turned to the Lord as much, who knows.  I’m just really glad that we are seeing him now when I have so many questions about this next phase of treatment.